by
moriba sababu
I forced myself into paradise on the tail end off a supernova, and must declare most stridently, even add, without entertaining a hint off contradiction from any source, that it was the Mother of all rushes.
Somewhere within the unbelievable range off a thousandth off a nanosecond, I was transported from an idyllic restaurant in a disputed land to the feet of the Big Man Himself... the ultimate crème de la crème... the Alpha Thought par excellence... The Big Cheese... the Hefty Big Cajones Himself, (you get the picture) GOD!!!
In that very instant I underwent transmigration, my corruptible body was no more, poof... it was gone, and I was suddenly clothed in the upscale paradisiacal branded, bling bling garments of incorruptibility...
Wow...! Did I shine, or what?
I fell to my knees, I guess... that's what these little pads are called, and shook all over with a feeling of enraptured ecstasy.
Around the Big Man, countless beings, that I naturally took to be angels, well... what else could they be...? went diligently about what I could only consider their administrative duties, seemingly oblivious of my presence...
All of them that is, except the dude on the right hand of Mr. Big Himself, and in his hand was a gigantic book, titled: THE BOOK, which would alternate with another title: LAMBS BOOK OF LIFE... each title phasing in, and out like the decadent beckoning neon lights of a Las Vegas cathouse... hmmm... that didn't look too good, but what the hell! Whoops... excuse me, er... wrong word... I meant... what the paradise... got to remember where I am.
Quickly, and what I hoped was surreptitiously, I glanced around, and realized for the first time, that I had arrived alone. None of the planets, moons, meteors, and incidental space junk that had been with me in that temporal restaurant in that troubled land had followed me through the dimensional wormhole, to this Celestial Seat off Beginnings. I heaved a sigh of relief. For their absence was indeed a good sign I can assure you, after all, I sure didn't need any dissenting vibes to mess up a good thing.
"WHY... ARE YOU HERE... SO EARLY?"
I was startled out of my revere by the voice of the Big Man Himself. Boy oh boy! Yes indeed! The Big Man Himself! His very own self, was speaking to ME!
Instinctively, I knew that every word He spoke, was louder than every crack off thunder I had ever heard all rolled into one, but boy oh boy, the acoustics in this here Paradise was so good, that the melody of His voice was sweet, and mild to my new incorruptible ears, at least... I guess that's what the holes in the side of my head were called...
"I... er... did my duty... Oh Great One, oh Master of the End Time, as given to me by your representative on Earth. Now I... er... have come to claim my reward."
My voice shook with enraptured emotion.
"Hmm... I SEE." said the Big Man, as He contemplated me in silence, while His eyes like X-rays, bore deep into my being for a moment, that seemed an eternity. Then addressing the dude with the gigantic book, He said:
"TELL ME... SHOW ME..."
Whereupon His right-hand dude opened that there book, and instantly a 3-D holographic image took form beside me. There I was, as if in a Hollywood movie, no... that's not right... more like a Bollywood movie, since I sort of danced into the restaurant. Gracefully, I gravitated to the centre of the room, where with a majestic flourish, I pulled back my coat to reveal coloured wires, and closely packed blocks strapped to my chest. Then, after singing melodious incantations to the Big Man, as many of those around me whispered, or cried incantations to their Big Man, I pulled a ripcord, and created a blinding light.
With that, the book was closed, and the image disappeared...
"Hmm..." said the Big Man.
"My Lord," said the dude with the gigantic book, "it is true what he says. He followed the instructions of their Middle of the East representative to the letter."
"Hmm..."
" He is of course of the 'ten virgins' believers, not the 'milk, and honey' ones. They will be arriving later... on the afternoon shift."
I didn't like the sound of that. I was so sure they would be heading for the basement.
"He was born, and raised in the West, but put aside the Western path of enlightenment to The Way, to seek enlightenment from those in the Middle of the East, to the path of The Way."
I didn't like the sound of that either... for both Eastern, and Western guys sounded a lot like they were on opposite ends of the same thread mill.
"Hmm..." said the Big Man again.
"THEN I SHALL REWARD YOU WITH WHAT YOU SEEK, AND THE OTHERS TOO, WHEN THEY ARRIVE."
Suddenly ten virgins'... I'm telling you, ten real honest to goodness honeys stepped out of the space around me, and came quickly to my side... each more beautiful... more desirous than the one before. If I wasn't already here, I swear I would have died and gone to Paradise. In fact, even when my eyes feasted again on number one, after digesting the unbelievable curves of number ten, she seemed now even more so than number ten.
I was so happy... no... that is an understatement, my joy knew no bounds... I was so blessed, that I could not find words to thank the Big Man.
Raising His Hand, He stilled my spiel, then said:
"THESE TEN VIRGINS ARE YOURS... FOREVER SHALL YOU HAVE THEM... FOREVER SHALL YOU LOOK UPON THEM, AND KNOW THAT THEY ARE UNTOUCHED, UNSULLIED... I GIVE THEM TO YOU FOR THE FULFILLMENT OF THAT DUTY... YOU MAY NOW GO... THEY WILL TAKE YOU TO YOUR NEW HOME, IN GARDENS PLANTED WITH SHADY TREES OF POMEGRANATES... ORANGES... APRICOTS, AND GRAPES TO NAME BUT A FEW... WATERED BY COOL FLOWING SPRINGS."
The ten virgins,' the ten babes of Paradise, held my hands, my shoulders, my arms, my waist, and tried to lead me away, but I couldn't move. I was you understand in a state of perplexity. My mind was so much more sharper now, than when I had listened to my teachers.
Er... my Lord... er... question... a question... please... Oh Great One."
I felt like I was back in kindergarten, what with my index finger sticking up, at least I guess that was what the nob was called.
The Big Man looked at me for a moment, then said:
"ASK YOUR QUESTION."
"Well... you said... if I heard you right, that forever shall I look upon these virgins, and know that they are untouched, unsullied, but if this be so... and it must be so, since you are the Big Man Himself... when then would I get the chance... the opportunity to... well... you know... sully them?"
The Big Man, the Big Man Himself, looked at me for awhile, and then smiled.
"YOU CAME LOOKING FOR TEN VIRGINS, AND TEN VIRGINS YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN. IF YOU SULLY THEM, THEY WOULD NO LONGER BE VIRGINS, AND WITH TIME, YOU WOULD FORGET WHAT I HAD GIVEN YOU, AND FEEL CHEATED. SO VIRGINS THEY SHALL REMAIN."
As the virgins led me away, tears flowed from my eyes. The touch of the virgins were soft... were warm... the scent of promise that emanated from them was intoxicating... their laughter, and little bashful giggles gladdened my heart... and their overpowering presence steered my body to the point of eruption, with no where, I suddenly realized, to erupt from... Damn!
For the first time I even felt sorry for the 'milk, and honey guys. No doubt, the Big Man was more than likely going to make them spend forever swimming in vats of milk, and honey!
I was in Paradise all right... but it felt like hell...
the end
© Ralph Boothe
moriba's corner 